4 Unhealthy Patterns of Communication

Greetings in Jesus name dear sons! Ahpa's very first post on this blog!

Am very encouraged by what you guys have started.. let's keep this up! Think this is also a good platform where ahpa can share some of my thoughts and what I learn through my journey.

2 weeks ago, me and Cynthia met up with Ahgong (Ps Adrian) for our very first accountability meetup, through which he shared with us "Courtship 101" module. As I heard Ahgong share, I thought it was really 精华 (quality stuff) which I wanted to share with you guys too.

4 Unhealthy Patterns of Communication


1. HAWK - Total dominance. Refusal to listen to other party's thoughts and feelings. Just blazing the trail and doing whatever he/she thinks is right by his/her own instinct.

Implications: Danger of becoming a MCP. Ignorance of how other people feel. Tendency of views being rather self centred.

2. DOVE - Peace loving nature and in general always would want to avoid conflict. Whenever potential conflict arises, will always give in. Common statement spoken are "Oh, it's ok.. nevermind", "Yupz.. I am ok (but actually is not)" Always close one eye to everything. Sweeping everything under the carpet kind.

Implications: Danger of suppressing how one really feels. No true honesty in relationship. Little things not processed and shared will amount to big things. soon one day, the carpet cannot contain all the junks and one will just explode internally.

3. OWL - Always using the wise man approach. Typical amongst most guys. Whenever conflict arises, he/she will do his/her utmost best to argue their way through. Seemingly refuse to admit 'defeat' and wants to out talk the other person.

Implications: Danger of pride - refusal to admit mistake or say sorry even when in the wrong. Chinese saying - 死爱面子.

4. OSTRICH - When problems and conflicts arise, he/she just buries their heads in the ground and attempts to escape from everything.

Implication: Escapism is the key word here. Fear of confronting conflicts and issues. Just want to run away. Honestly, running away doesn't solve the issues, it just worsen it.

Pause...................................................

This DOES NOT just apply to BGR, but most definitely in our everyday human relationships with one another too. As ahpa begin to reflect, I can identify which unhealthy pattern of communication which I need to be mindful of. And I can also identify some of yours too!

Like it or not, there is a tendency that our communication pattern is in either one of these catogaries.

The key here is to be mindful and don't let these unhealthy patterns inhibit us. :)

Stay tuned for 'Courtship 102' module next month - 5 Healthy Ways of Communication

PS: Post was editted @ 2:26pm after some valuable inputs from Cynthia.